I’m grateful for random pleasant conversation with a fellow commuter on my ride to work this morning.
I’m grateful that I apparently look about 10 years younger than I really am. I sometimes wonder if people are blowing smoke up my behind, but this girl had no reason to do that – she just assumed I was her age. 🙂
I’m grateful I get to see K this weekend, even if it’s not as much time as either of us would like. And I’m grateful to JC for the crash space.
I wish I knew how to turn off the CONSTANT noise in my head.
I feel too much and I think too much and I just can’t turn it off. I wake in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep because my brain starts churning.
I feel like River Tam sometimes, without the super intelligence or grace. Just the overwhelming feeling of everything and the inability to process it.
I overthink every single situation, over-analyze every decision. Agonize over things I cannot control.
Somebody please, tell me how to make it stop…
One of these days I will remember to let the good stuff come back to me.
I put a lot of time, energy and (when I have it) money into taking care of the people close to me. And yet, I have such a hard time accepting help in return. Like I am somehow insufficient if I ever accept help, especially in monetary form. I had to admit to K today that while I would still be coming out to visit, I would need to keep it very low budget while we were out there. Her response was exactly what I needed to hear: my own words repeated back to me.
Be kind to yourself.
About a month ago I modeled for a photo project she is doing. As part of said project she asked each of her models to pose with a sign displaying a short message to the other women who see these photos. I deliberated for a few days, wanting to be profound yet succinct, without plagiarizing anyone. In the end I settled on “Be kind to yourself.” This isn’t the first time she’s lovingly tossed that back at me either.
I tend to be very hard on myself when I don’t feel like I’m measuring up. Whether it’s at work, or school, or… anything really. I never got mad if I lost at something if I felt I did my best, but the competition was just better or luckier. I only ever really kicked myself if I thought I didn’t work hard enough, or if I didn’t take advantage of opportunities that presented themselves.
But I need to take my own advice and just relax sometimes. There will always be setbacks and rough patches. I need to get over my pride and be gracious when people who love me want to help out.
Silver Tides 