The Student has Become

Ok, it wasn’t a fluke.

This past summer my grad school asked me to come back and teach as part of a group for the Unit Planning module. Teaching graduate students how to plan out an entire unit of study starting from the standards and building up from there. I’d done pretty well with this as a grad student myself, and I was asked by one of my former professors with whom I had a pretty good relationship. 

It was a great experience, and the pay wasn’t shabby either. Last week I got an email from the school again, this time from a different contact at the school who had heard of me from my summer colleagues. They wanted me to sub for a couple of classes for another one of my former professors. A man whose classes I legitimately enjoyed and whom I respect. 

To a certain extent, all teachers have some level of kinship, as there are things we go through that nobody outside the profession really gets. But I feel like science teachers specifically have a bond (oh man, horrible, unintentional pun). We really dig our subject, and it comes with its own set of pitfalls and joys. Maybe teachers in other subjects have something similar… I don’t know. Inside jokes about the quadratic equation? So it’s always great to connect with these kinds of people.

Anyway, right now I’m struggling in my normal teaching. It feels like a million little things all piling up and no matter what I do it’s not enough. So to have this gig with grad school pop up and the huge wave of acknowledgement and appreciation that comes with it is doing my heart good. 

I mean, this was how he introduced me to my new students:

You folks will have the privilege of learning from M… —veteran science teacher representing IS ### in Bushwick (and Relay alum!). Prof. S will reach out shortly to introduce herself more properly. All I’ll say now is that she’s a badass and you guys are lucky to get to spend time with her.

So, yeah. It’s going to be a bunch of work when I would probably rather be sleeping. But damn did I need a professional recharge. 

Am I a Master? I don’t know about that. But I’ve definitely come a long way, and it feels good to be reminded of that, and celebrate a little.

Things I never thought I’d hear

I have received the following comments/questions within the last week, and every one of them blows my mind.

1. “Girl, your dress game is strong! Where do you shop?”
2. “Professor, can I ask you a question?”
3. “Your apartment is so grown up!”

Stuff I can do

I’ve been instructed to come up with a list of things that come easily to me. This all started while working with my coach, and the fact that I didn’t realize until I was in my 20’s that not everyone can easily touch their toes.

So here goes:

I’m pretty flexible and can easily put my palms to the floor in a forward bend.

I have a natural sense of rhythm

I can sing on key

I can usually put myself in another person’s situation

I can cook, and easily follow a recipe even if making something for the first time.

I learn new computer programs pretty quickly and am good at troubleshooting.

I can navigate the subway.

I can orient myself and roughly tell time by the sun.

I retain a ridiculous number of facts about plants and animals.

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I may add more as I discover them, but all in all, not too shabby!

Riding High

Wow.

I still feel like the rookie. And I am. But holy cow. I’ve got teachers with 3x the experience using lessons and materials that I put together. More than one person has come to me for help or advice with various education tech programs, and now, the first “Feature a Teacher.” It’s basically a teacher of the month type thing.

Whoa.

I generally don’t like bragging, but damn this feels good.

Nobody is infallible, and I know I still need to grow and improve, but I’m gonna just sit and enjoy the moment a bit.

Not-so-Mad Scientist

In the collection of “Stuff my students say” I was apparently in another dream. This time, I was some sort of super Scientist, and I had turned them all into super heroes. I achieved this by making some sort of special bubbles, that gave them abilities when they touched them.

Some were super fast, some could fly.

Given the current popularity of Sci-Fi and super hero movies, this doesn’t surprise me. But the idea that he pictured me being a brilliant scientist that could make my students super? Yeah, I’m gonna put that one in my happy place.

Running in My Head

I run myself in mental circles… This is nothing new. But the reason sort of is.

I have never wanted kids. For all of my adult life, once I started making decisions for myself and not to please others I decided I was perfectly content to be an aunt and have dogs.

But my brain is weird.

For years – Hell, probably a decade at this point – I’ve had dreams in which I have a child, sometimes more than one, sometimes I’m currently pregnant. My kids are almost always blonde. Last night in my dream I was pregnant again, but instead of being confused or weirded out I was happy about it and announcing it to everyone.

I suppose that’s just a manifestation of my waking thoughts lately. I get a slight twinge when I look at my pregnant friends. Is it hormones? Is it because of Mother’s day? Is it that whole clock thing?

Most of the time (especially when other people’s kids are being a pain) I’m exceptionally glad I don’t have to deal with that. Nobody is waking me up covered in puke at 3am, nobody is throwing a tantrum or peeing their pants. Nobody hates me because I won’t let them go to a concert that ends at midnight.

If my ex-husband and I had gotten started right when we got married, I’d have a kid old enough to be one of my students now. But would I even be teaching? Would I like my life?

I love my life right now. I don’t want to give that up. But sometimes… Just sometimes… I really do wonder.

Gratitude 3-25-15

It’s been a while, but for today, I’m extremely grateful I can keep calm and functional in an emergency.

It’s tough enough with adults sometimes, but with kids it’s critical. If you’re calm, they will be calm. If you lose it, they’ll lose it 10x worse.

In the end, everyone is OK, and that’s what matters.

What Tweens Want to Know

Apparently, our students are still intent on hooking me up with my male coworkers. Yes, I’m friends with two of my colleagues who teach on the same floor and happen to be male. For the last two years now they’ve been asking if Mr. B and I are dating. We’ve both told them no. And now they ask Mr. N too. And when he also told them no, their next question was, “Are YOU dating Ms. S?” Never mind that Mr. N is married.

Maybe they just can’t fathom girls and guys just being friends. Hell, I know adults with that same issue.

This amuses me for multiple reasons. But mixed into this are about half a dozen girls who know my orientation. And apparently if their classmates are still trying to hook me up with those two, these girls haven’t outed me.

Interesting.

Making It

As part of my grad classes we watch a lot of videos of teaching techniques. Most of them take place in charter schools. A lot of them are “model” teachers that are former colleagues of the admins, but some of them are from former grad students. I know our class complained that we wanted to see more clips from district schools, since that’s where we all work. Well, it seems they’re listening.

How do I know? Because my science professor asked ME if she could use one of my videos from last year as an exemplar for the first year students for a particular technique.

Me.

Grad students are now watching a video of me to learn how to do a thing.

Well, damn.

Almost There

I’d imagine the last bit of every race feels a bit like this… Like the finish line is just out of reach. In some ways it’s more torturous than the beginning, knowing I was heading down a long and fairly difficult path.

Almost two years later and I’ve done a lot. My grades are excellent (though I will never stop stressing) and it seems I’m establishing myself. Relatively quickly, I started getting comments like “oh, we weren’t worried about you.” Recently the Dean told me “You don’t need me anymore. You didn’t need me much to start with.”

I’m at the point where I kinda just want to be done, though. It’s stressful and exhausting and I would like to have my free time back. I’d also like to be able to focus on just one set of requirements. It’d be nice to be able to keep on top of grading and maybe do some more extensive planning, instead of “good enough” some times.

Money pains are easing, now that the car is paid off and my salary has increased slightly. At the end of the summer when my tuition is paid back and I can submit for a salary differential for my masters degree, things will be even better.

I’m not sure if I’ll look back at all this fondly, or if it’ll have been just a means to an end. Guess I’ll find out.