Gratitudes 12-6-12

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I am grateful that so many VA facilities were on the HRC webinar today to become certified as LGBT patient centered facilities. We’ve come so far. (wow, that’s a lot of acronyms…)

I’m grateful for my glasses keeping my eye strain to a minimum through 11 hours of pouring over spreadsheets and report insanity.

I’m so happy for my very good friend, who is finally coming into her own in her career.

I’m grateful for my really good workout this morning. Let’s hope I can duplicate, or better yet, improve on it tomorrow.

And wow, the Mormon church actually admitting that same-sex attraction is NOT a choice… Ok, they still think acting on it is a sin, but it’s all about celebrating the small victories.

One more for tonight…

I’m grateful to my ex, for encouraging me to start thinking about all the good things in my life, and putting that appreciation out into the universe. I’m grateful for the time we had and what I learned about myself in the process.

Gratitudes 12-4-12

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I’m so grateful that this event is over.

I’m grateful I can be out at work, and far from being just tolerant, everybody is perfectly cool with it.

I’m grateful for the coworker who came and brought all the supplies back to the office after the event so I didn’t have to.

Fashion Ramblings

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There needs to be some sort of word or phrase to describe somebody who falls in between butch, or even tomboy, and femme.

It’s taken me a while to become comfortable in my own skin, and sometimes I’m still not entirely there, but I’m much more so than I ever have been in my life. Sometimes I like not fitting into a category, other times my weird OCD need to put everything in order – to be able to categorize and describe everything – gets annoyed by the fact that there is no category for me. It’s a weird feeling, because I have no desire to alter myself to the point of fitting into one of the existing ones, but it’s not exactly like I can just create one.

Most of the time I’m too practical for my own good. I never wear skirts at work, because there’s two things I can’t fathom – 1. crawling under a desk to fix a computer in a skirt and 2- wearing stockings every day.

On the other hand, there are times when I feel under-dressed or somehow, inappropriate in pants. When I was younger I used to joke that at least the guys got to be comfortable in pants and flat shoes. So I kind of surprised myself with what happened as an adult… When my first girlfriend’s mother got remarried, she had to wear a dress since she was in the wedding party (and let me tell you how NOT happy she was about that). She really wanted me to wear a suit. So I did; black jacket and slacks, and a blue shirt to go with her dress. And I never felt so completely inappropriately dressed. I might as well have shown up in jeans. Of course everyone said we looked nice and yadda yadda, but *I* didn’t like the way I looked.

For so long I worked in an industry where if you dressed all girly and impractical, you’d get laughed at. Hiking boots, khaki shorts… that was what we all wore. Could you imagine showing up to lead a trail walk wearing a designer suit? So not happening. So that got ingrained in me after all those years. And only recently am I realizing that I need to change out of that.

But I’m at a purge point. I’ve decided that I’m getting rid of anything that I wouldn’t want a potential new partner to meet me in for the first time. I realize how that sounds but it’s really more about my own comfort level than anything. One of the things I learned from my last relationship is that when you look good, you feel good. I know, duh.

Gratitudes 12-2-12

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I am grateful that I have been able to take the last few years and sort out who I really am. I’m still working on it… I’m not sure that anyone ever really finishes that journey. I think we’re constantly evolving. But I like who I am, and I like who I’m becoming even more.

I am grateful that people feel they can confide in me. Even if sometimes it’s things I’d rather not know.

I’m grateful that what I thought was a further knee injury at the gym yesterday seems to in fact be my knee knocking itself back INTO position. Yay!

Gratitudes 11-29-12

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I am grateful for quick reflexes and good brakes. I’m also grateful to my dad for teaching me both of those.

I’m grateful for the consultant to sit in front of my CEO yesterday that he thinks every office should have somebody like me, because our stuff was THAT good.

I’m grateful that the friend with the chest pain and insanely high heart rate was smart enough to go to the hospital and not brush it off.

Gratitudes 11-28-12

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I know I’ve said this before, but I am grateful that I am able to run, even if it’s not as fast as I’d like.

I’m VERY grateful that the shit-storm I thought I was walking into turned out to only be an unplanned meeting.

I’m grateful that my energy work is progressing, even if I can’t always see it

I’m grateful that the gym is close enough to the house to make morning workouts realistic.

Gratitudes 11-27-12

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I’m grateful that even though I was crazy late for this morning’s meeting, I wasn’t as late as the boss 😉

I got my first “good job” comment today for the first time in a while. I miss getting those.

I am grateful for my family. They had a hard time in the beginning, but I sometimes forget just how blessed I am that they are as loving and accepting as they are. I get reminded when I see friends struggle with lack of acceptance in their lives and I hurt for them. I wish there was a way for me to help.

I’m grateful for sore muscles, that remind me to keep working.

Gratitudes 11-25-12

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Today I’m grateful for rest. Not just because I’m tired, but because I thankfully do not need to work every day just to keep a roof over my head. I can take today just for me; nobody to take care of, no disasters, no problems. Just me, the TV and a warm blanket. I adore spending time with people I love but it’s nice every one in a while to just turn off the world.